I’ve waited years to receive my diamond engagement ring.  I chose it by myself (my husband only had to pay for it) and I love it with all my heart.  Sometimes, though, I feel its heavy weight and the burden it makes me feel.

Wearing an engagement ring symbolizes the fulfillment of partnership, of deep love, but also the loss of independence.  It’s not a bad feeling, just slightly weird at times.  I’m not alone, even when physically I am.  Wherever I go, the ring goes with me, every word I say is shattered by its shiny gold plating.

Me and my ring often go shopping together.  I stroll between the shops, enter the supermarket and buy grocery, in quantity that is enough for one person only.  I can feel the ring staring at me, scolding me because of my egoistic deeds.  Immediately I double the quantity of every item I wish to buy, like a devoted future wife, and get out of the place.

On the street I meet a former school mate, who last saw me 15 years ago when I was chubby and my face was cultivating acne.  The girl, who I can barely remember her name, immediately spotted the two of us and without saying hi immediately inquires:  Oh, when are you getting married?  What a beautiful expensive ring you have on your finger!

Well, yes.  My boyfriend proposed and bought me an impressive diamond engagement ring.  I was anticipating the moment in which I will receive such a ring, so I would wear an item that can speak for me, as if it would say what I want to shout most:  “I am in love with the most charming, handsome man alive, who desires to spend the rest of his life with me.  In other words, we are getting married!”  When it comes to people I don’t know so well, I don’t really have the patience to tell them the whole story of how I met my fiancé or how we fell in love, thus I want the ring to say it all instead.

My wish came true, but in a more intense manner than what I have anticipated:  My ring talks all the time, announcing my staus to every person who comes my way.  Everyone who spots the dazzling diamond has to ask me about it, and I have to tell the history of my relationship and without skipping any part.  Afterwards a bunch of wedding questions come my way, making me recite the wedding location, my wedding dress and even the ingredients in the wedding dinner courses!  Again and again I am forced to hear ‘important’ tips and warnings, which are supposed to save me from having my dress torn during the wedding ceremony, having the photographer steal our money or having rotten food served for desert.

Finger Diamond Ring

In addition, I have discovered that being single, though it was a terrible status in the eye of my parents, is quite an advantage elsewhere.  When I attend job interviews I notice I am taken less seriously, as an engaged woman supposably isn’t a good prospect or a professional who can commit to a working place.  I have the feeling, though I admit it’s quite subjective, that employers assume I would get pregnant right away (though they will never ask it directly), work less hours, and more or less earn money without putting in any effort.  I want to sit in a job interview and explain:  “I want to spend 3-4 years with my new husband before I consider having kids, I studied hard in order to specialize in a serious demanding job, and not in order to become a desperate house wife”.  Eventually, I don’t have the courage to say such things during an interview.  Unfortunately my ring says different.

Sometimes I am amazed by the hostility I have towards the ring, especially when it makes the opposite impression than the one I wish to impose.  I think this has to do with the yearning and hope I have felt before actually receiving it.  As a child I used to stare at my mother’s rings, my grandmother’s and aunts’ and used to imagine that the $5 rings I bought in the market are all 5 carat diamond rings, worn only by a princess like myself.  Long before I knew my boyfriend wants to spend his life with me I have already picked the exact ring and diamond features that would be worn on my finger someday in the future.  With such expectations no wonder I am hit by reality, seeing it’s not a fairytale world after all.

Yesterday I found myself staring at the ring, trying to remember why I was longing for it for so many years. Is it because there is a parallelism between diamonds and love, and if the former is everlasting then the latter will also hold for a lifetime?  Maybe I am less spiritual and more superficial and I just wanted a status symbol around my finger, showing off to other people (especially other women) and proving I am a success.  Here I am, wearing an expensive diamond that most women can only dream about, that is a good enough reason to envy me, don’t you think?

An engagement ring symbolized the union of man and woman, the establishment of a profound relationship, and the first step in building a beautiful family.  The precious stone is also the ‘stone’ on which the new, more serious part of my life should be built on, or is it not?  Lately, my diamond ring also symbolized the lack of privacy, not between me and husband, but rather between me and other people, who prefer staring at my ring than looking into my eyes.  The ring speaks for me and communicates with people who I don’t know and do not wish to know.

Some may find this post somehow gloomy or pessimistic, but that’s not my most representing emotions.  I’m just pointing out a surprising, rather normal outcome wearing a diamond ring could produce.  I assume that many women feel the same and are afraid to admit it, thus I think one should be aware of the ambivalent feeling she has regarding her engagement ring, as it doesn’t subtract anything from the amazing union a couple can experience.

Luckily, my future husband and I share a bond that a beautiful ring can represent only partly.  A few times a day, when I am alone, the ring reminds me of the attractive man who gave it to me, the man who approached me directly and simply said that he wishes to grow old with me.